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My girlfriend texted my phone multiple times asking what I was doing Saturday night … to which I replied with the standard answer of nothing much.

Turns out her boss at the bank she works for offered her grandstand tickets behind the Kansas City Royals’ dugout.

We had four, but her sister and friend bailed on us at the last minute — which meant we had an empty chair on both sides of us. And, let me tell you, it was comfy.

Anyone who has been to Fenway Park knows it is a very “intimate” experience. Intimate, because you and a stranger will undoubtedly come in contact at some point during the game. The seats are tightly packed, but that is what gives the old ball yard its charm.

We opted to drive to the game and pay the absurd amount of $40 to park the car in a garage, a block from Fenway. Turns out we get refunded for that, too. We arrived an hour early and took a walk down Yawkey Way.

We witnessed a heated altercation between two ticket scalpers, which would have ended in a fist-fight if the cops didn’t arrive when they did. On one corner, we saw a guy with a horse head mask … I thought it was funny, but let’s say it freaked out Lindsay.

We were in search off somewhere to eat before the game, and if you have been to Fenway Park, you know every restaurant is going to be crawling with alcohol-frenzied baseball fans.

All of the lines to be seated at the pub were out the door, except for one. The Landsdowne Pub, located at the very end of Yawkey Way, a stone’s throw from the third base entrance of Fenway. The bouncer checked our licenses to see if we were of age to drink … neither of us drink. But, hey, we passed his inspection.

We were promptly seated and the place was wall-to-wall with boozers and schmoozers getting ready for the game. Waiters and waitresses were overworked and in some instances, clumsy.

Only two glasses were harmed in the time of our meal, so not too shabby for a restaurant nearing its full capacity.

The industrial flare to the restaurant is what drew me in. It looked like it would have been there when the park opened.

Wrought iron chandeliers lit up the dim dining room and various Boston artifacts were featured in a curio cabinet adjacent to our table. I placed my order for a traditional Irish shepherd’s pie, and it was served promptly.

We waited 20 minutes to place our orders, but they were out in less than 10. Maybe our server realized that she forgot us?

We hopped into the no-bags line and security went smoothly.

As we exited the metal detector an elderly gentleman pointed to the barcode reader and instructed us to scan the ticket where the arrow was. Where is the necessity to have the ticket taker, if he is going to have you scan your own?

Hey, the Red Sox have enough money to blow, yet, they only pay their public address announcer $50-per-game.

I can only imagine what the nice elderly man makes, if he makes anything at all.

We arrived at the game as the national anthem was being played, and you would not have guessed at the time the Red Sox were nine games below .500.

The stands were packed, and it seemed like the only empty seats in our section were the ones next to us.

The Kansas City Royals came in second in the American League Central. Kansas City is always a sneaky team, young, but tough.

Looking at the college-aged quad of coeds in the row in front of us, they really had no interest in the game that was unfolding before their eyes.

They both purchased peanuts and crackerjacks — ‘how cliché’ — and immediately snapped a picture of both bags and posted them to the photo sharing Instagram social media site.

$73 seats, and these girls are posting photos of their snacks to Instagram.

That is one part of Fenway that disappoints me. I love the narrow seats, the old wooden chairbacks and yes, even the poles. It’s part of the atmosphere.

If I wanted to watch the game on television, I would save my money and park my butt on the couch for free. Baseball is a slow game. I get it. But it is meant to be relaxing and enjoyable.

Put the phone down, and let’s watch some baseball.

Follow Ed Niser on Twitter/Tout: @EdNiser